I remember / je me souviens
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For those limbic bursts of nostalgia, invented by Proust, miniaturized by Nicholson Baker, and freeze-dried by Joe Brainard in his I remember and by Georges Perec in his Je me souviens.

But there are no fractions, the world is an integer
Like us, and like us it can neither stand wholly apart nor disappear.
When one is young it seems like a very strange and safe place,
But now that I have changed it feels merely odd, cold
And full of interest.
          --John Ashbery, "A Wave"

Sometimes I sense that to put real confidence in my memory I have to get to the end of all rememberings. That seems to say that I forego remembering. And now that strikes me as an accurate description of what it is to have confidence in one's memory.
          --Stanley Cavell, The Claim of Reason


Wednesday, January 24, 2007
I remember that I got to sleep over at Haley Moss' house on Christmas Eve which meant waking up there on Christmas morning and being a part of opening presents and all. It was my first Christmas since we didn't celebrate. They lived in an old mansion and had a huge, beautifully decorated tree, roaring fireplace and all - it was exactly the way I had always envisioned Christmas just like on TV. I was prepared that none of the presents would be for me, since it had been a spontaneous decision that I would be allowed (invited) to sleep over, but the generousity of letting me inside this family event was enough.
I enjoyed watching Haley and Julie open their presents and looked forward to playing with all their new loot with them later. When everything was almost opened someone said "Look! Here is a present for Caroline!" I couldn't believe that I got something--it was a really nice set av French plastacine in 25 different colours. I remember being awed that they had bought me a present at all, and such an exclusive one at that. Even at that age (8 maybe?) I could appreciate that this was much more than a set of Play-doh. How did they have time to buy it? And then realizing (or did my parents surmise it later?) that it had been intended for Haley but they gave it to me. I remember all the mixed feelings concerning this but settled on being glad and finding it generous that they gave me something for her and wondering if she knew and agreed to it.

That beautiful house, three storied mansion burned down a few years later and all that was left was the swimming pool.


posted by caroline 4:07 AM
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